Can’t be bothered anymore.

16.46pm ( sat at the table)

Syd at home unwell. P upstairs working from home. N sitting on the sofa playing on iPad. Me writing on this screen. Can’t be bothered with this anymore. I am bored of my own voice. Bored of recording how challenging parenting can be. It was boring when Naoise wouldn’t brush his teeth. It was boring when I couldn’t get out the door. Actually it was more than boring it was really stressful. Naoise isn’t used to being rushed out the door. He is not very good at behaving in the morning mainly because he cant wake up. He said that he feels sick if he brushes his teeth just before he gets in the car. Oh I am all out of sympathy this morning. I try to remain calm. Calm.

I really cannot be bothered with this anymore. I cant write about the Sure Start course its all confidential. I am glad that its confidential as I haven’t the energy to write about it.

Glad that I dont have to do this for much longer. Sick of recording my life. Starting to feel that I dont want to share. Don’t see the point of this anymore. Its been hard to share. Its been hard to be disciplined. Its a love hate thing this journal writing. I need to get away form the screen. I just need to live and stop analysing and documenting. I am not even sure that this has been good for my wellbeing. I am full of doubt today.

Naoise singing was so sweet. All the children doing their best to perform in front of the adults. I dont feel the least bit christmassy. I must find some joy in this sodden time of year.

Sending Syd back to school tomorrow, he is clearly better and bored. His friend has come over to play guitar with him, which is lovely. I am glad for him, though I wonder how P will concentrate now the teenage music begins.


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